cited: New York Times

The debate has waged for years: are men or women likelier to engage in “mate poaching”? Yes, there have been surveys indicating that men go after other people’s partners more often, but are they simply more willing to admit it? Now, data has arisen from an experiment conducted by two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University, that women are more likely to after another’s mate, according to a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology .

Noting that single women often complain that “all the good men are taken,” the psychologists wondered if “this perception is really based on the fact that taken men are perceived as good.” To investigate, the researchers quizzed male and female undergraduates — some involved in romantic relationships, some unattached — about their ideal romantic partner.

Next, each of the experimental subjects was told that he or she had been matched by a computer with a like-minded partner, and each was shown a photo of an attractive person of the opposite sex. (All the women saw the same photo, as did all the men.) Half of the subjects were told that their match was already romantically involved with someone else, while the other half were told that their match was unattached. Then the subjects were all asked how interested they were in their match.

To the men in the experiment, and to the women who were already in relationships, it didn’t make a significant difference whether their match was single or attached. But single women showed a distinct preference for mate poaching. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested. The researchers write:

According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been ‘‘pre-screened” by another woman.

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Well, that makes sense. But I asked Dr. Burkley, a professor of social psychology at Oklahoma State, if the correlation could also be due to another factor at work in some women: fear of intimacy. Could their interest in unavailable guys be what was keeping them single in the first place?

Maybe, answered Dr. Burkley replied. “There are many possible explanations for our results,” she told me, “and future research needs to identify exactly why single women prefer taken men. Our lab is currently conducting studies to try and tease apart the different potential explanations for our findings, but your explanation seems quite plausible.” Until we know exactly why the attraction occurs, maybe guys interested in a date should wear a wedding band.

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My Take: Maybe it’s true. I certainly don’t want a dress nearly as much until my friend slips it on and looks stunning. And who hasn’t seen someone else put on those old earrings you never wear anymore, only to be hit with an immediate desire to snatch them off and wear them yourself?

So who knows- if we’re jealous of another’s happiness, if the girlfriend makes the guy look great, or if it’s just the approval of someone as boyfriend material is that little bit extra. All I know it, a girl on his arm gives any guy 2 extra points. While I seeth with envy.

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